Dads, the men that often get forgotten. This one is for you.
Mummies, having a baby means the partner in your life may just have become number 2! How do you balance this? How do you keep the most important relationship in your life stable? How do you make sure that you look after the relationship that means everything to you, while the baby is crying, the food shop needs to be done and work is calling?
I’m not perfect by a long shot, but I hope this helps you learn from my mistakes and my point of view as well as my conversation with Mr.Man.
Once you give birth, actually, even before then, you are important. YOU are making another person, then YOU give birth to them and you have to be looked after (which I do agree with) as does the new little one. Visitors come and bring gifts for the little one and some may even bring something for the new Mummy but what about Dad? This is where it starts from, the lack of Daddy acknowledgment and his subsequent potential resentment. Whether you are a stay at home Mum or a working Mum, balancing EVERYTHING is tough. However, the relationship that needs time and effort is the one with your Man! I think this is often the one that we are first to sacrifice and forget about, yet this is the one that also needs time and attention.
In a world where we constantly fight for equality for women, is this a justified fight for Men? In so many countries Men don’t even get paternity leave. Are there classes to teach them to deal with babies? Do Dads have a natural support system the way Mums do? Does a stay at home Dad get more stigma than a stay at home Mum? I don’t actually know all the answers here but I suspect it is no more than yes. I would love to hear for you. ‘Dads are not celebrated the way Mums are’ is what I heard recently. Maybe we can’t make a change globally but we can start at home.
I know that everyone’s Mr.Man is different, and when your hormones are making you a little crazy, you are filled with self-doubt, going with very little sleep and feeling helpless – that the man who is trying to help is the one that you lash out at. Or is that just me? SO, stop take a breath. Let’s make some Daddy time! Dads get lonely too so invest the time, make sure he knows he has you still. Even amongst the craziness! I think that we need to make time to just love that person. The one who holds you as you cry, the one who comes home from work to the home war zone and doesn’t stop either. While I type this I hear your voice too… I haven’t stopped all day. The adjustment affects you both. The “welcome home honey” has changed to “agh, change his nappy, feed her, hold this one I need the loo”.
My point is, make time for your Mr.Man! Make sure he knows how loved he is. Make time for you as a couple. Look after that relationship that is your rock.
We are lucky and have sitters available to us. But if you don’t have that option, run a bath for him perhaps? Offer to give him some time-out Daddy time. Eat a meal together once in a while after the children are asleep. Just some music and a candle will make the world of difference, and help you look at the man you fell in love with the same way again. Small tip here – my big mistake with our Little Lady was to allow a bedtime around 10-11pm up until she was almost one. Mr.Man and I were going crazy. Then, a cousin advised trying to keep bedtime around 7.30pm and then having time together. Simple thing. Changed our world.
It doesn’t have to be all day, often it can’t even if you want it to be. There is so much that you have to get done, so many directions you get pulled in. So just take one minute. Then maybe just a coffee, and when you can a meal here and there.
The other way is the glaringly obvious one affection and attention. In times of stress even a little unrequested “attention” would be greatly received.
Some of you may already make time for the Men in your life and if you are one of those ladies… Keep up the good work. If you’re not because you are busy with children, work, or just other commitments, I hope this has inspired you to make a little time. A stable home life and a strong relationship gives your babies the best start in life.
I often struggle to see this from Mr.Mans point of view. I feel like I am home all day and I need a break from the children. I have to remind myself to make time too. We had our first date night in 6 weeks yesterday. We finally made some Daddy time!
This is for all the Daddies. You are doing a great job. To quote my favourite fish, “just keep swimming”.
How do you make time for your partner?
Have a good week Mummies!